My graces are not fulfilled when you are trying your best to assume that I am not confident, or smart and capable.

I am not sure if I need to label myself to be any of those characteristics but I know that I have pure faith.

It is undeniable that the world is not only senseless in the best of ways but that I am senseless in the oddest ways

How I want to be a guru in tidying. I can't tidy yet. My room is done but fails the standards and hopes I have for it.

Much like a child, who fails the standards and hopes parents had for her.

Many times I hope only to speak the truth and not in earnest. I hope to speak the truth in truth. Present tense.

Future tense is my enemy because the future never happens. She only disappears once within reach to turn into the horrible truth that is present day. She only then transfigures herself into disappointment when she has passed to become Past.

My former best friend called me a downer. I am, until today, a downer to those who I thought were my friends. I guess the standards and hopes were not met for my friends to be sponges of my anger.

I am not done. My anger, palpable. To those who don't know me, I seem quiet and nervous and sometimes laughing on the inside. Hopefully people notice.

Presently I aim to live outwardly and without gentility. Rough and troubled was my youth. Mud and tumble is/was my trademark. I want that from now on. To live in authenticity and without any restraints. A bull in the field. Explosive.