Sometimes I ponder death.
Not just my own  ,but my loved ones.
I analyze the avalanche that follows absence.

I have lost things I have loved.
But at least their chests still lift as they sleep.

Even then, that loss puts me on the verge.
What will send me over is the official leave.

The leave that I fear most.

The leave that will damage me so bad, I will become the thing that gives us life. Lungs. I will be a lung. Just a lung. I will shakily intake oxygen and exhale a stale breath.

With every exhale I will fade a little more each time.

When my lungs fail me....I don't know.
In my life my loved ones are where my entire being is.

If I leave , my thoughts will be on them.
I don't want them to be consumed by a *****.
I don't want to be faded and I don't want them to  become the definition of oblivion.