i question if i know what love really is
this is because i doubt that i've felt it yet.
i know i love my family and my friends
but that is a different kind of love.
that is a love that keeps you safe
and will always be there.
it is familiar and wraps you
like a hug after a long journey.


but love?
i've always imagined it to be scary.
i imagine love to fill you up
til you think you'll explode.
i imagine it to make you question
everything you've ever thought before.
but i also imagine it to make you feel like nothing can break you
and that if something does break you,
you have someone there to hold you
that will never leave.
but it's not like your family,
this love is like one that will always require work
and will always demand honesty and attention and care.
i don't think love is like in books
with butterflies and roses
and kisses in the rain to sustain you.

i can't imagine love to be anything but faith,
believing that against all odds
you're meant to be together.
knowing that through all the screaming
and fighting and arguing
over little mistakes and misunderstandings
that you know the other person
better than they know themselves.

it's growing with someone,
changing and adapting
and still wanting to be there tomorrow.
it's insurance that someone will be there
to keep you on your toes every **** day,
making you question everything you think
and pushing you to be who you want to
while respecting who you are.
and that isn't an easy task
as we're all complicated human beings
with intricacies and roots that delve and twist
deeper than anyone can comprehend.

so i don't know if i'll ever know what love is
but that's what i imagine it to be
and i have to say
i'm terrified of it.

*––s.m.