I bite my fingernails
Then nervously scratch my hair

I've been in fights before
One time I punched a guy
For making fun of my neck
I pushed him against the desk
And kicked his stomach.
He never spoke to me again.
I went home crying that day
Victory never tasted so salty.

Insecurities ringing in my ears
Like the alarm on a clock

It's time
Time again

I've been in fights before
But there's only one that leaves me
On the bathroom floor
With sunken eyes
A bitter taste on my tongue
And a sandpaper feel on my teeth

I've been in fights before
None as hard
As the one against myself

What do you do
When you don't believe yourself?
Who are you, if you are more than one?

I always thought I had two hands
For a reason
As one would push against
The back of my throat
The other
Would hug my waist

I don't know who I am
The clock keeps ticking
It's time again
I don't want it to be

There are two arms in a clock
And two arms on my body

It's time
It's time again

I was writing my research
The other night
I had to explain
The conflict of interest
In my study

I forget the research doesn't care about me
The conflict of interest
Doesn't mean when I sleep all day
Miss my college classes and fail my quizes
So that no one hears what happens in the toilet
At 3:12 am

When I was in 4th grade
My friend told me her secret method for a happy life

She said she'd write down
What had made her upset
Then tear it into little pieces
And throw it away

I have no one to talk to
And my room is full of confetti
Sometimes I convince myself
That someone is cheering for me

Why is no one cheering for me?
I am skinny
I am skinny
Why is no one cheering for me?

I feel two feelings
Every day of my life
One that I have betrayed someone
The other that I have been betrayed

I'm still trying to figure out
Which
Is worse