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Mar 2017
I'm here not there and it breaks my heart
I hear new stories everyday
And I wish I was there

I left so many friends behind
Ones that stayed in touch
Others that stopped responding

How did we go from talking every day
To never speaking again?
I would ask you how you're doing.

Good. That's all I got. It's all I get.

Friends I'm worried about
That don't respond
And I can't ask others about them.

Because I was their confidant.
I was the one you could tell anything.
I regret the one time I was stupid.

The one time I didn't know
I didn't know what to say
How to handle your words.

I still love her.
I love everyone.
But I said the harsh ones too soon.

The understanding ones too late.
Instead of being the confidant I was the judger.
I wouldn't blame her if she stopped trusting me.

Whenever I think of what I said.
I regret it a hundred times over.
No matter how sorry I was.

You can't take back words.
Once they are out they are free.
I can't just erase them.

I'm not a judgmental person.
Maybe I once was.
A long time ago.

And maybe when I'm shocked
I revert back to my old self.
Maybe that's why

I said those things I said
Maybe that's why
I couldn't look at you

Not because I didn't like you
Not because I didn't love or trust you
Because I didn't know what else to do

And when you get scared
When you have anxiety like I do
You go back to being the old you.
Squid the Russell
Written by
Squid the Russell
     Lior Gavra, Selena Bagby, ---, keaoss and SPT
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