Some days passion for my life is overfilling my bloodstream and spilling out of my mouth. Other days it licks at the valves and tendons in my heart, begging it to find the rhythm of the purpose it beats for. Most days I can pull myself out of bed. Most days when I'm done brushing my teeth & fixing my eyeliner I can paint a smile across my lips. Even if the stain of red comes from the blood that dropped like silky dew from my wrist as if to replace the tears my eyes can no longer cry. Some night I sleep as if I have never experienced pain or heartbreak. While other nights the thoughts that raced through my brain for hours would give you nightmares for nights to come. Most nights I can tell myself today was a good day. Most nights I can tidy up my house even if in reality I just want to smash it all before running away & honestly that scares me. But no matter what day/night I am having I have never and will never give up hope that I can be a better person. That I can be a better mom. That I have the ability to change myself. Sure. I can't always scream it from the hilltops and some days its just a whisper but I will be okay.