I'm Bill Burr on a bad day.  
I'm Mark Maron sober.  
I'm Red ******* Forman
with both toes of my boots covered in your ****.  

I'm a spinning storm
of hot tempered anger
throwing shade at you on a bright sunny day
and blinding you with the light of common sense
through your cloudy headed moment of stupidity.

Who am I?  
I am the honest angel with a devil's backbone
in a moment of cowardice.  
I am the tranquility in your search for land on a stormy sea.  
I am Human, and so are you!