Why am I so dumb
It sits inside me a wall between us, a machete
I couldn’t learn fast enough that I was unhappy.
Instead of saying or affirming “Yes” you take down the past poems.

Bit by bit, the voice inside my head ate and ate.
Leave myself alone.  I didn’t ask for help.  then my period.
The company you keep…why should I have stayed on, or longer.
amazed at the part of me was to say how bothered.
The pencil is the thing, the hand the thing, and erasing is not,
Do I realize when I’m in trouble then my eating hand hates.
Instead of saying or affirming “Yes” you take down the past poems.

I’m angry I’ve not tried to save others, eating bread alone.
What would have happened had I not told on what was said. But left it inside other women to tell me,
Find me Moby, find me Godly, are you a white whale?

Should I be chasing cans like a stray dog, till i make you smile
that is not me but you take me home
I can’t receive if I don’t believe.  so i run away.

every night I’m having one of those recurring dreams
Thrown into the middle of a big city, searching for my baby
NY
and I don’t pickup the gum stick on subway rails
I know its not free candy.

this is me.