Your list keeps growing and growing...  Like I said, nothing like a bunch of pretty faces to distract you.  Girls sure are beautiful.  I'm sure you're catching a lot of their attention, just as you had hoped.  I can only imagine the flirting.  Unfortunately, I have yet to receive any of your attention or desire.  I guess since you gave it to me constantly for a year and a half, it's a little too boring now.  Silly me.  I have continued begging and begging for you but I am overjoyed to finally realize I deserve so much more than that ****. The memories were beautiful, you were beautiful, I was beautiful and most of all, we were beautiful.  We were so ****** beautiful.  But now my face is sunken in, my eyes are always bloodshot and my lips are constantly cracked open and bleeding.  And we certainly aren't beautiful anymore. Take me back to the last night we shared together; I often wonder how you slept so soundly...  I wonder why you didn't kiss me goodnight when you knew it would be your last night to kiss me.  I wonder why you chose to go to sleep instead of watching one last movie with me.  As I sit here, typing this, I laugh at myself.  I laugh because I see how blinded I have been.  I deserve someone who fights to make it work. Who doesn't think leaving is the answer. I deserve someone who always chooses to stay.  Who is sure of me only and always.  Well, at least I am now realizing all of these things.  I am so ******* dumb for sticking around like I have.  I will read this when I feel the urge to text you.  I will read this when I think, "maybe, just maybe he wants me to reach out to him." Because you don't need me to reach out to you.  And it's very evident nothing good comes from contacting you.  I am sick of this loneliness and I am sick of thinking you're the only one who can fix that.  Especially when you're the ******* reason I'm like this.  Hmm, I wonder if this is the mad stage I've been told I'd eventually reach? I never thought I could