I was happier as a martyr than I ever will be while serving myself.
Though my empathetic nature may put me at unease at times,
it is the happiness deep down within the cool, dark soil of my soul that truly matters.
I've tried so hard to change this essential part of my being,
because others told me that it made me weak,
but I see now what they fail to.
When I put myself first, I feel sick to my stomach.
There is an itch that desires to be scraped, and it is not anything that treating myself has the claws to scratch.
No, when I put others first, that is when I feel bigger than myself.
I don't feel like one of seven billion.
I don't feel like a speck in the space.
By helping and staying constantly connected to those around me--enemies and friends--I am spread out farther than I would be,
sitting inside myself.
Say what you want about me.
That I am weak and gullible and forgiving and target-worthy.
But in the end, I am happiest when I help others.
And in the end, the universe will feel the smallest, quickest brush on its hand.
And that brush will be me.