This* is what happens when you've been slightly abused since childhood. You go through every day slapping bandaids on cuts too deep to fix. You convince yourself that being depressed or being suicidal is your fault. You giggle away the larger pains you've repressed for years, and when it comes up you always seem to make light of the situation. You say that it actually "wasn't that bad" and call yourself a wimp for feeling that way. You always play it down. You always say less than you should've. You leave friends, parents, and doctors thinking you had a touch of "the blues", and you laugh it off with the doctor as they say "I had the blues once too, it's temporary". And you pray she's right but you can't help but feeling belittled. You can't help but feel like you should've said more. You should've been more graphic, more desperate. That's exactly what abuse teaches you. It teaches you to normalize every pain in your life. It teaches you to make light of some of the darkest places you've ever been in. It teaches you to go in your theatre teacher's room and laugh and giggle and smile and say "no but it's fine.". It teaches you to shut up and take it and force it into a regular thing. This is what happens when you don't feel justified. This is what happens when you don't feel anything and everything at the same time.