I put so much **** into my bath that night,
Hoping it would sink into my pores, anything to get you off my skin and out of my veins.
I sat in that bath until it was as cold as your pool on that one spring night.
The only difference is that this time you weren’t there holding me.
But oh, you were there.
In my watery eyes and erratic pulse,
In my slightly wet hair and torn up fingernails.
I wasn’t sobbing hysterically.
Just the occasional tear trailing down my face past my vacant expression.
Watching them hit the water, I remembered when it used to be blood
That would spread in reddish brown clouds all around me.
I don’t hurt myself anymore.
I just let you do it for me.