i'd really like to just take a moment and breathe because i mean it's hard to breathe inside a volcano but since it's of my own doing it's kind of nice to know that i'm the one killing myself i'm the one drowning in my own lava i'm the one who's going to die because of my mistakes and not you not you it was never your fault it was never your loss to bear so why did i let you why did i let you why did i let you think my falling was my fault and why didn't I save you because i was selfish that's why i was not who i am i wasn't me and i couldn't focus and listen to me coming up with excuses for my own actions but really how can you blame me for being human when the only person who blames me for that is myself constantly every day of my life and don't you think it's hilarious that i punish myself more than anyone else even has the capability of doing but they still do it and it just lays and lays on top of everything else and then there's me just little insignificant me who just likes to sit and watch herself have absence seizures and realize that she's not who she believed she was or even could be only because she holds herself back she holds herself back i hold myself back because why well I guess my emotions are just too strong they're too hot of a magma to keep others safe and it is my own personal protective bubble but it still scalds me and don't you think it's ironic?