my gaze followed your long, boney finger down to the skewed papers on the desk next to mine
i simply shook my head and answered with "no, thats not mine to touch"
i started to ignore your fervent tapping and whispering but it moved up to screaming and shaking my body i couldnt hold myself back any longer
i quickly grabbed the papers and filed them making sure they were neat before setting them back down
you were happy it was casual it was normal
so i started to live by your rules letting your gentle taps and whispers tell me what to do
i would fold my gym clothes in the same order every day i would sanitize my hands before and after every single class i would fix peoples binders, paper, and pencils just to please you
then it changed
others started to laugh mess up the clothes i neatly folded push my papers out of order hold me back as they made everything crooked watching me struggle against their hands as i tried to break free to fix it all
you were screaming telling me how those fingertips were touching my body infecting me
you were violently shaking me saying how wrong the mess was that i had to fix it
fix it fixΒ Β it fix it
i still do as you say abide by your rules the laughing and taunting has disappeared now as i freely fix my things
theres the occasional question and statement "why dont you just leave it?" "it isnt that important" "the mess wont affect you"
none of them know of you looming behind me a strict ruler of my mind telling me they were wrong
no none of them will know they wouldnt never understand how important your pure touches and words are to the filthy, messy place that is my mind