// I shed a lot of tears today. I am not going to lie. Although, it's been a while my heart still sobs at the thought of your name. I've lost so much trying to win you. Trying to achieve you. Trying to conquer you. Most importantly, I have lost myself. The broken pieces of my heart are still trying to fix themselves back. Thinking about it now, I realize that I had completely placed my self aside and paid no attention to the scathe you were causing to my body. There was no other pain greater than your despondency. I adored you a lot. You asked me what it was that I had for you and I failed to put it in words back then which I rue a lot. What I had for you was sacrificial, ferocious, wild and untamed filled with devotion and grace. Some people experience their first love at a very young age and it feels like one heck of a gaiety doesn't it? I did too. But you kept stabbing my heart with your unfermented words and abhorrent actions and let sadness embrace me. My little pumping machine got scarred for life as I let you take advantage of my kindness. I kept quiet hoping that you would realize my worth and run back to me. Stupid wasn't I ? There was a time when I didn't want to wake up in the morning. The sunlight would burn my eyes which had turned red due to weeping all night. I would snuggle into my blanket not wanting to get off the bed. Not wanting to face the world without you. It's said that every individual leaves a mark. You certainly did. But on my heart. Even though the cuts have healed and I feel happier than I have ever been the scars still remain. All the pastoral memories seem odious as they make me realize that you are not a part of my life anymore. Memories do slowly creep in at times and it's hard to forget them too. They pop up from nowhere even while taking a class or just when I am hanging out with friends. I guess it will still take a while to overcome those. I don't want you now. But I know at the age of eighty I'd be sitting on my favourite chair waiting for death to embrace me and hoping that atleast we would end up together in a parallel universe.