To whom it may concern,

overtired ramblings,
if you already don't like me,
don't even read it
if you do like me
still don't read this
Dear,


dear....



dear......my...


dear subconscious.

for my entire breath of existence, you've always been an accomplice.
but, you've failed to mention a few things that could have helped me regardless.
like how hurting someone else can turn your organs to tangled ropes,
and then makes your brain laugh until it chokes,
i was just a little kid too, that couldn't grasp onto the weight of the world,
but instead tables have turned and now it's my brain that's being unfurled.
i was never aware that, things that happened between a brother and father and mother,
was something that wasn't easily relatable to another.
i couldn't understand the difference between the definitions of rich or poor
i thought it was always everyone that craved more,
not to mention the similarities between right and wrong
will cause the weakest of minds to think that they're strong,
and i'm not trying to say *******,
it's just that the apology is long over due.

so maybe what i'm trying to say,
is you can't take my emotions and create an overlay,
because how i'm feeling is not what you're interpreting.
so don't walk away as if you've done something liberating,
i have only reached a state of confinement,
and you're still asking me to be compliant,

so maybe what i'm trying to say is,


*******, because in case you forgot,
the emotional damage has always been in your blind spot,
and those more than ever protruding ribs were not what i needed to be "hott",
and the little red lines to mark my days of being in control of my life were unrealistic
because i will not let you convince me of something that i never was,
i never was
a ****, or a *****, or your call for comfort,
i was never crazy i just never had a retort,
and, i didn't sleep try to sleep with your best friend,
i'm just glad it was a situation i didn't have to mend,
just because of of the way i look and react,
doesn't make what you think about me a fact.

there is so much more to a human being than their appearance,
so don't take their emotions as if they're on clearance,
you have no idea how many peoples friendships i'd try a second chance,
but a majority of they wouldn't spare me a glance.

there are so many things i could tell you,
but it would be harder for you to swallow than it is to chew,
i also know you've got things that could surprise me too.


now these things are all in the past,
but the harsh judgements will always last.

so ******* if you've ever disliked me for things you knew nothing about,
or ******* for being rude and condescending when you've never had a conversation with me,
******* for ever telling me how to improve my self appearance,
******* for making up lies and holding grudges on things that never even existed,
******* for not being my friend anymore for being embarrassed about what other people would think,
**** high school, and **** *******, **** selfishness and **** imitation.


**** the fact that none of this should even matter,


and the fact that it still doesn't matter