I know why now
How just the mention of her name
Makes my skin bubble up and run away
How seeing her face makes my belly button turn into a black hole
How the very thought of her makes me want to crawl under my bed and cower

She is the memory of that day
The day that you came home to tell me
Of your adventures between several women's legs
How it ended with you tangled up drunk with her
How she possessed you, probably better than I ever could,
While I waited for you to come home.

She is the moment I realized I couldn't be with you anymore
She is me throwing myself into a wall
Screaming in agony because words could not express
She is the raw wound still seeping in my chest
She is me collapsed on the floor in my living room
She is you looking over me, helpless and panic in your eyes
She is the moments I never want to recall
Yet there she goes,
Flaunting her existence down the street

She is what I lack.
She is the possession of what I'll never have.
She is admired by the people I crave to know.
She is who my childhood dreamt I'd become.
She is a choice you can make over and over  and over again.

She is insecurity manifested.

And I
Am only me.