I sit, far from still, not listening as her perfectly placed moans hang in the air, tormenting my ears with her pain.
Lavender pillows envelop me as the sweet perfume drips into my lungs, streaming through my body with every new breath
This is intoxication. I feel the air around me in my veins, my fingers, my legs, my heart. I will never accept anywhere else again, this is it. This is home.
May I escape the other moments in my life. I tried to forget and for three years I lived in blissful silence. Now these words creep back in the lonely moments, during the deepest dreams of the night and in the loudest moments of the days.
I drank more than my weight and collapsed under the weight of my own thoughts, imagining you looming over me I fell into tortured nightmares and remained pinned to the feverish, sweaty cocoon.
I smoked to fill my lungs with lighter air, I wanted to float up towards that blue moon and let her cradle me softly, cushioning the hurt in my head. Instead my lungs went cold and my brain was infused with ice. I could feel my head turning to stone and the weight on my shoulders suddenly became real, my knees buckling under the true weight of my sins.
How can I repent for something over which I had no control?