I'm young

I'm supposed to have fun

I'm supposed to hang out with friends

I'm supposed to be in clubs

There are a lot of things I'm supposed to do
And I wish I could do those things
But I live in fast forward

I'm 17 now
But my brain is planning for 20

I'm in high school
But my brain is planning for after college

I'm in constant fast-forward
Planning
Plotting
Preparing

I can't focus on today
On right now
No matter how hard I try

My brain tells me
One bad grade today
Will ruin all of my chances tomorrow

One slip up now
Will shatter my future

One panic attack today
Threatens my chances at a normal life

So many things
Threaten my future
As I live in fast-forward

It's always about tomorrow
Never about today

It was bad as a kid
But as I grow closer and closer
To ending my mandatory schooling experience
My brain goes faster and faster
Into the fast-forward

It's so exhausting
It's destroying me
And everyone around me
Sees it

I'm just trapped
In my head

It's like a movie
But the remote is broken
And it's playing so fast
That you don't understand anything
Because the images are just a blur

I'm so overwhelmed
By all the possibilities
That are presented in front of me

Succeed!
Succeed!
Succeed!

That's all my brain screams

Get A's and B's right now
C's are not acceptable

Don't touch alcohol
Don't touch drugs

Colleges won't want you
Without good grades
And a record of drugs and alcohol

Without college
You can't get a good job

Without a good job
You can't support yourself

If you can't support yourself
You'll live with your parents forever

If you live with you parents forever
You can't have your own family

I'm in constant fast-forward
Even though I'm only 17
And the remote for my brain
Is smashed to pieces
So there is no pause button
There is no slow down button
There is nothing to stop it

So I struggle
With the speed of my brain
As it constantly moves in a blur
In fast-forward