Numbness swept over her
She hadn't even realized that she's felt that way
For two days
She knew she couldn't let it continue
So she sat and thought
Thought of everyone who has hurt her lately
God, there were so many
But it's because she always cared so much
And for that, she was always broken
So she thought of everyone who has been leaving her
She thought of the words that made her heart ache
She had to feel it all
And suddenly the hot tears began
And they stung her cheek as she wiped them away
Knowing they wouldn't really stop
For her, there was only the numbness or the tears
But more than she hated those she hated herself for the urge
The urge to slice into herself
It had been four long years without it
And all she could think about was the knife waiting
At the bottom of her purse
That someone left her for defense
Forgetting she was weak
Or maybe not caring
So she teetered between the numbness
And pouring her heart out into a pillow
Hoping one day she will find something to stop it
Hoping the thing to stop it,
Wouldn't be the knife.