there is that kind of war
between my head and heart
where I am torn in between myself.


I try my best to keep calm
to keep moving but
that suffocation ruins me
that loneliness ruins me
that silent scream pushes me
down
that silent tear threatening to come out
won't stop at some point


I try & try
to keep these tears to myself
those silent weeps at night
the calm and serene sound of my
choked tears
give me pleasure
that no one can see me.

I badly want to vanish
I badly want to disappear
I badly want to end everything
I am tired of fighting
I am hating to fall down


but when everything is in chaos
I wipe my pain
let my heart win
take tough decisions
and stand back up to move on
and live
instead of ending myself



because
living is bravery.