These four walls
Are they my safe haven
Or my prison?

My heart keeps me locked in here
As if I was a prisoner

Only a year and a half
Until I have to grow up
And I'm afraid

The decisions I have to make
Seem to tower over me
Like unstable skyscrapers
As if they will collapse on me at any moment
And crush me

How am I supposed to go to college
And get a job
If I can't seem to leave my room

It's hard
To be even around my parents
I can't handle people
I pretend
But as the days pass
I'm ****** deeper and deeper
Into the pit of my thoughts

I can't think
I can't function
So I'm forced into
A child like state of mind

I can't handle my reality
So I distract myself
With YouTube videos
And stories
And music

So you tell me
Is this room
My safe haven
Or my prison?

I can't leave
But I can't stay
So I'm stuck
In a state of motionless motion
Where I'm going, going, going
But not moving at all

I couldn't sleep last night
Because of this realization
That I'm going nowhere
That my time is running out

I have found
That no matter what I do
I feel trapped
With an invisible collar wrapped too tightly around my neck
And multiple chains attached to my body

So here I am
In my bedroom
Afraid of the world
Afraid of the future
Afraid of the past
Afraid of people
Afraid of growing up

I'm afraid of everything

I find it quite pathetic
That my anxiety has gotten this bad
But no matter what people say
No matter what I know logically

It doesn't matter
Because I'm stuck

I'm paralyzed with fear
And I can't pull myself out of it
No matter what I try to do

I tell myself
That I can do it
I can win
I'm strong
I'm a warrior in the battle
That takes place in my head

But they all
Sound like bittersweet lies
Sound like false hope
Even when I hear it from others
It just sounds so......

Fake

I just wish this Hell would end
And I could escape this prison
That I call my safe haven
Because I don't want to be locked up
In this room
For the rest of my life
By the fears of my heart