and when everyone's door is shut
and i'm too afraid to knock,
i turn to the words to soothe.

his apparent laugh makes me shiver
and the sorry does not sound real.
i know he loves, i know he cares
but this is not a game i'm playing.

it scares me so much to feel like this
so telling you was my only choice.
i cannot formulate a sentence,
stumbling over the embarrassment.

if you are not happy,
leave for i will not rush to make you happy.
i feel sick to my stomach at the thought,
and need to knock on someone's door.

i miss her like a friend would,
her oblivion helpful to me.
she wouldn't dare to tell anyone for she ate up secrets like a child on Halloween.

he wouldn't get it,  he would scold, she would laugh it off.

someone to listen, and tell white lies to get me through would be a help.
but there are gates towering above my door, that nobody wishes to climb.