Ina dark place that i dont know whether or not i wish to come out from. I would consider myself out of my mind or insane in some ways without putting a name to it. What impresses you is nothing to me and what u value is sickening . I dont know how to desire normal things all i want is pure ecstasy i dont know how to live like this and ever be happy. Its strange how much i hate most everything about you but cant find a way to make it not destroy me with your leaving so maybe the answer is leaving myself dramatically or symbolically or maybe small parts of each. Where is there to go? I dont understand my guilt and conscience they haunt me everyday over things i have no control over and are not my total responsibility or fault but i know i will assume all of the latter. One thing i know is your lack of empathy for me or how i am feeling overwhelms me and i dont understand how u think you could love me with the way of things. Your love is a flat with no frills empty of any color, organized punctual and sedimentary layered by your past lives all of the flavor is long worn out by extensive use. I am angry but i wont let u win, i **** up i ****** up i am ******* up as i write this but still i almost feel that i am the only sane creature left in this ****** up place conquer control dominate destroy are the adjectives set at the heart of this society and i believe it is correct to assume that there is small good left in this world. How can anyone live like this? I certainly cannot, for much longer anyways. I always have been fascinated by the end of everything obbsessed to an extent maybe idk, maybe the thoughts are just fragments of my.impending doom ive asked to die more times than i can count in my life to.god to satan to anyone that would hear me. Its not the fact that im still here that makes me.disbelieve in anything it is the simple.fact that out of everything i ever has asked died over begged for ive never heard seen or felt a single thing not one thing. People are easily deceived and i know the Christians will say that is what i am, but i am.far more complex than what they know of me and will never know about me. I feel i am.weaker and stronger than anything simultaneously, so that leaves me bleak stuck i the monotony of the middle. Too proud to ask for anything to weak to live without poisoning. I would.rather die than ask u for anything more i feel i need to right this to atleast let u in on somethings going on with me you are cold calloused and manipulative in the shell of some extraterrestrial being beautiful and kind it is breaking me completely and i just want to leave. I have a fierce fire for my family and u remove yourself from.that place of being i cant control that i feel this way and ******* for making me feel ashamed i am kind i am good i am kind i am good i can prosper without you i can do this without you

And the door closes

Heels banging through the hallway down the stairs

u took my child u took my child

I am left with the holes walls and empty

The second door closes

And i dont know.where i am