I know what it is I need
It has to be something I never had before
It doesn’t have to be new
It doesn’t have to be old
It isn’t famous
It isn’t anonymous
It isn’t expertise
It isn’t legalese
It only has to be

It doesn’t have to be from me
I don’t want it to be from me
Unless that is where it comes from

I want it be something that is awake
And not from a dream
Especially a dream I already had
It can be early
It can be late
There is nothing special about the time
Except that I need it now
Maybe it’s about acceptance
Or the impossibility of forgiveness
But it can’t be something I can hold
Or something I can see
It can only be something I can feel
I’ve seen enough
I’ve heard enough
It’s time for it to take shape on the inside
I’ve thought enough
I’ve cried enough
It’s time for it to show to others on the outside

What’s that you said?
Did you see that?

I just missed it

That’s where it is
In a glance
Or a sigh
Or being late
Or leftovers I forgot to eat
Or losing my train of thought
Or a fire fly
That’s where it is
The instant before it’s gone
But I only know it as leaves
I only know it as a goodbye
I only know it as heartbreak
I only know it when the song ends
I only know it when you die

There is a natural worth to regret
It’s the only way I can learn sometimes
It’s not a prophet
It’s only a recourse
But I must first recognize that it exists
Before it happens
And in the way smoke becomes clear again
Or how a spark from a flame becomes the night
I to want to transform myself into a paradox of being
Folded into the world around me
Becoming what is good about it
Becoming its strength to accept my flaws
Day after day

That is what I want
Because in the clash of opposites
I instead shall become the world
And not its conflict
Not its ego
Not its destruction
Only its soil
Only its atmosphere
Only its ocean
Only its mountain
Only its life