How silly and fickle I am
To let you affect me
In a way I don't understand
Like there was force
An invisible string
Pulling me to you
Tugging and weaving me
Through winding roads
Having conversations past midnight
In a car with headlights
That illuminate trees whizzing by
Set to playlists I always listen to
Music I've never actually shared
Moments never actually experienced

I just don't think I could stand
To be hurt by you again
I pour myself out so easily
I don't leave anything to the imagination
My heart opens so easily
But I need to be guarded
I need to protect myself
I need to be your friend
And right now it needs to be enough
And there's no way you couldn't know
How difficult this is for me
It is
I feel like if I were to be near you
I would disintegrate entirely
I maybe would lose myself again
I really don't know how I will feel
And that scares me more than anything
I've just built you up in my mind
For so many years, I forget
What it's like to have your entire attention
For a single instance in time and space
Just us for a moment after years of apathy
I'm curious, who have you grown up to be?

Maybe it would give me some clarity
I feel like maybe that's all I really need
It's impossible to know anything about you
Unless I look you in the eyes and feel it's true