Oct 2016
The pain still exists
Love is not a punishment
Love is not suffering
Love is not revenge
I was forgiven
For a time
Until he demanded that I pay for my crime
Deprived me of all feeling, he did
Together in the same room
Yet, alone in silence we’d sit
Obsessed with my suffering, he was
Finding reasons to upset me without real cause
Bait me with love then steal it all away
Day and night
Night and day
Years went by on that merry-go-round
Wishing he would let me go
Begging him to stay
He let me believe I deserved to suffer
Providing no answers when pressed
“Why do you treat me like this?!”
Met with only silence
At wit’s end
Staring at an emotionless face, I’d sit.
And I did deserve a consequence
Simply leaving would have been a better end
But he needed me to be full of self-loathing and shame
An obedient dog, I became
Hoping that he’d see
Just how devoted I could be
Still he never came around
Only kicked me while I was down
I am not who I was
And shall never be her again
I’ve learned from my mistakes
And become a master of self-restraint
I would not be who I am now
Without the experiences of then
New beginnings are always just around the bend.
I must keep it in my heart that…
I deserve so much more.
Love is honesty
Love is a healer
True love never wears thin.
Learn from the past
Build a beautiful future.
Love is not a punishment
Love is not suffering
Love is not revenge
I was forgiven
For a time
Until he demanded that I pay for my crime
Deprived me of all feeling, he did
Together in the same room
Yet, alone in silence we’d sit
Obsessed with my suffering, he was
Finding reasons to upset me without real cause
Bait me with love then steal it all away
Day and night
Night and day
Years went by on that merry-go-round
Wishing he would let me go
Begging him to stay
He let me believe I deserved to suffer
Providing no answers when pressed
“Why do you treat me like this?!”
Met with only silence
At wit’s end
Staring at an emotionless face, I’d sit.
And I did deserve a consequence
Simply leaving would have been a better end
But he needed me to be full of self-loathing and shame
An obedient dog, I became
Hoping that he’d see
Just how devoted I could be
Still he never came around
Only kicked me while I was down
I am not who I was
And shall never be her again
I’ve learned from my mistakes
And become a master of self-restraint
I would not be who I am now
Without the experiences of then
New beginnings are always just around the bend.
I must keep it in my heart that…
I deserve so much more.
Love is honesty
Love is a healer
True love never wears thin.
Learn from the past
Build a beautiful future.
Angel Ann Fulford 10/2016
Anxieties over a very toxic relationship from my past have arisen and trying to make sense of the why it's coming up now and analyzing/processing my feelings about the whole situation now. I had a talk with my best friend who reassured me that I am human, I made a mistake, and I didn't deserve any of the pain that my ex brought down on me for years. I am not who I was then, and my new romantic interest is not my ex. The beginning of something new and exciting is upon me and I don't want my negative experiences from the past to hold me back from something that I find to be, well, quite wonderful. I finally realize and accept that I deserve happiness and joy.
Anxieties over a very toxic relationship from my past have arisen and trying to make sense of the why it's coming up now and analyzing/processing my feelings about the whole situation now. I had a talk with my best friend who reassured me that I am human, I made a mistake, and I didn't deserve any of the pain that my ex brought down on me for years. I am not who I was then, and my new romantic interest is not my ex. The beginning of something new and exciting is upon me and I don't want my negative experiences from the past to hold me back from something that I find to be, well, quite wonderful. I finally realize and accept that I deserve happiness and joy.
