Mental isolation
Means mental break
So in a way
I'm the definition of insanity

I hate leaving my room
But I hate feeling like a caged animal
I hate feeling trapped
But the outside world scares me

I have control in here
I have complete and utter control
But out there....
Out there it's hopeless

I'm a deer caught in the headlights
I've got a target on my back
I'm always under attack

So maybe I'm safer
When I'm all alone

But let's face it
I'm never alone
I'm always entertained by my thoughts
Remember?
I'm the definition of insanity

I have to leave my room
For a few hours a day
And I look forward to it
But also dread it

My mind is fragile
And any little thing
Can send me into a spiral
Of Hell

**** yourself
No one loves you
They are all lying
They are all pretending to care

Words that echo in my head
Violent, useless words
Because I know it's not true
I know the people closest to me
Actually care a lot about me
Because if they didn't
They would have left a long time ago

So
I'm not sure what else
There is to say
I'm insane?
I'm a constant mess of anxiety?
I'm a paranoid freak?
I'm a hermit?

I guess these all describe me
In one way or another
And you wanna know the worst part?

No one can help me
I've always been a constant wreck
Even when I'm happy
There is always that voice
In the back of my head

It's all a lie
Don't get too attached
You're going to scare them away
None of this is real

Sometimes I like to believe them
I want to just give up
So they shut up
But I can't
And I won't

Because I made a promise
And everyone else's happiness and health
Matters more to me
Than my own

I'll stay awake all night
If my friend needs me
I'll get ice cream
Or make a fool of myself
Just to see the person smile

But when it comes to me
I don't care if I eat
I don't care if I don't sleep
I don't care about anything
I just care about everyone else

So I've grown up a bit
And gotten use to the voices
And the constant pain
And paranoia

I can do it
Right?
I can function
And pretend I'm normal
Even though I'm the definition
Of insanity

*Right?