i dream you die in a car crash
your body is mangled and bloodied and i'm screaming
this loss is quantified by this massive translucent black space that occupies my field of dream-vision
i cry unwilling to believe it

and then you call me
and i am flooded with this feeling of cosmic truth,
that if something were to happen to you i would have felt it

you break up with me over the phone for a second time
but while you're doing it i can see you while i hear you
and you're saying to me: i love you, i love you, i love you

your family keeps on having parties to celebrate your recovery
and my family goes so i go too
and i sit at your bedside and talk to you

and i am always overwhelmed seeing you
remembering you
i look at your basement
and there are catalogues of all the girls who weren't me

you are bruised and scratched and ****** and stitched
and your hair is longer and wavy and i close my eyes against you

when you're strong enough you leave
and in my dreams i move on to someone stronger and taller
knowing already he and i do not work out

i tell my dad about this over coffee
and he says there is a part of me that thinks you're divine

always
always