And like a flash
My heart feels an eruption
Of vulnerable openness and emotion
And the feelings that I tip toed
My arched feet dancing across
The mirages of memories
I saw and relived in every corner
My every corner
And just as we took off
The immense love and affection
For a group of women I spent
Serious time
Summoning into my life
And just like that I'm gone again.

This morning the sun woke me up
Light from the windows
Saying
Little swan girl
It's time to go
Fuzzy and white, demure
And so smart
You have to go.

The flight attendant
Asked me what I wanted
And I felt this huge urge
After smiling sincerely
And that's something that's changed in me
These past few days
The blade that I've been holding up so high
Between my humility and my heart
Has begun to dissipate
So I can't help but feel warm wet tears
Trickle and collide
Behind my need to conceal my eyes
In vintage sunglasses.

I hid a string of thyme in my breast
A girlfriend handed it to me gingerly
Along with a basil leaf
I might be more connected to plants
And the moon
Than anything else.

And I remember
Cleaning every crevice of my old apartment
That I traipsed past yesterday
My hand wrapped around the bar of the iron gate
Observing
And wondering
And releasing.

Perhaps I am overly sentimental
I diminish my own thoughts and feelings
Very often
But the truth is
Is that it took years
To curate, exert, and go through the marathon
To surround myself with the epitome of feminine strength and honest enduring companionship
And if it was the right thing for me to do with my path
I could give up everything in my new life
To return
All of it.

I just felt like I'm always flying away.

But it's just not
What should happen
Is the fact
And that perhaps might be what is the most vulnerable
Because life was so good
And is so good
And it's been so ******* hard
To go at it so stealthily
Independently.

But I'm so thankful
I feel so very privileged
Lucky
Aware
I am incredibly ******* brave.

My best friend told me recently
That I clearly am destined for great things
And I know I have been the epitome of blessed
I'm not sure what I did to deserve it all
But my god it's all been so ******* hard
And so worthwhile.

I was starting to wonder
Hearing my own line from a film in my head
"I've just about seen and done it all"
And I was starting to feel like
That was utter and complete horse ****
And in two days time

I realized
No it's not baby girl
You had to start all over again
For the 19393939 time
It's okay to not know what to say
Or to worry how you are perceived
You are soft and beautiful
And you have seen and done so much
There's just such light ahead.