Ol’ Jonah was looking pretty **** pale
After three days and three nights in a whale—
Or giant fish (according to translation).
Whatever the case, it was no vacation
For Jonah, who had to be pretty smelly,
Spending seventy-two hours in that belly,
Fending off digestive juices
And other secretions that a body produces.
He didn’t agree with the creature, no doubt,
Because the animal spat him out.
If Jonah had early on followed directions,
This story would NOT be in our collections;
And he wouldn’t have taken that trip
And found himself being thrown from a ship.
 
Now Solomon they say was supposed to be wise,
Which is handy when certain situations arise,
Such as the “Judgment of Solomon,” which—
Luckily for him—went off without a hitch.
Solomon understood human behavior
And proved to be for one mom a savior.
Taking a chance, and entirely off the cuff,
He shrewdly called the false mother’s bluff.
It’s amazing it all worked out as it did;
Otherwise, there would have been a dead kid.
Back then could Solomon ever have guessed
The advantages of a DNA test?
 
Kind David’s son Absalom was handsome and charming;
His personality was rather disarming.
Ostentatious and debonair,
He was known for his huge mop of hair.
His thirst for power got so overblown
That he usurped his father’s throne.
So David and Absalom had to wage war;
Father and son had to settle a score.
At Ephraim’s Wood when trying to flee,
Absalom got his locks caught in a tree.
If he had kept his hair short and trim,
He wouldn’t have died on that blasted tree limb;
And his plans might not have fallen apart
As he hung from that tree with darts in his heart.
 
Salome loved to dance up a storm;
And apparently the lady had perfect form.
Her mother, Herodias, bore a deep grudge
Toward John the Baptist; and she wouldn’t budge.
Just imagine the trouble he was in
For having told her she was living in sin.
Unfortunately, he landed in jail
And languished there with no chance of bail.
When Herod’s birthday came around,
To get the merriment off the ground,
Herod asked Salome to dance for him.
He’d give her anything—whatever her whim.
She didn’t want gold or silver; instead,
She wanted John the Baptist’s head.
(Actually, for one reason or another
She wanted to give John’s head to her mother.)
If John had NOT insulted Herodias,
She wouldn’t have found him so odious.
And if Salome hadn’t been SO into dance,
The poor guy might have had a chance;
But since her dancing was so first rate,
His head ended up on a plate.
 
IF...THEN in retrospect
Makes us want to stop and reflect.
Actions and reactions both make up life
And sometimes bring happiness, sometimes strife.
Behave with wisdom and common sense,
And know that there’s ALWAYS a consequence.

- by Bob B