Things are wild in the Garden of Eden
When Adam returns from his daily toil.
(You see: even in Paradise
Adam has to till the soil.)

"Adam," says Eve, "taste this fruit.
How could one ever surmise
That eating this fruit could be one's undoing?
You'll see the world through different eyes."

Adam partakes of the forbidden fruit,
And all of a sudden he feels inside
A rush of shame. Grabbing Eve's hand,
He says, "Come. We've got to hide."

A booming voice shakes the foliage,
"****! I knew I'd eventually dread it.
When I made you humans, I
Certainly gave you too much credit.

"What did I tell you about partaking
Of the tree bearing forbidden fruit?"
?"Eve MADE me do it!" cries Adam.
God yells, "I don't give a hoot!"

"The serpent," says Eve. "It's the serpent's fault.
He was the actual perpetrator."
"Shush," says God. "You silly ninnies.
I will deal with the serpent later.

"Your thirst for knowledge of good and evil
Opened your eyes. I knew you'd rue it.
You'll be banished from Paradise now.
Bottom line: you both blew it."

Then God adds, "And put on some clothes.
Don't you feel at all ashamed?
And, by the way, before you leave,
Are there any animals you haven't named?"

Adam shrugs, "Nameless animals…
Let's see. I don't think there are any.
But there are millions of species here.
Why did you have to make so many?"

"Exit now from the Garden," God thunders.
"You had to know the mess you'd be in.
Both of you are going to discover
That now your troubles will really begin."

The Garden gates slam shut behind them
As the couple sadly wanders off.
"A fine mess you got us into!"
Adam mutters to Eve with a scoff.

"Life was easy in the Garden of Eden,
But there's one thing I have to confess,"
Says Eve, admiring herself in a pond,
"I'm really liking my brand new dress."

If they think they have troubles now,
Wait till they see what else God forbids:
Mixing fabrics and eating shellfish.
And wait till they start having kids.

"People are going to blame us," says Adam.
"We need to come up with a good solution.
I'm hoping that somebody somewhere devises
A logical theory of evolution."

So off they journey, hand in hand,
Wishing they'd gotten by with impunity.
"It was just fruit," they lament, already
Missing their life in their gated community.