I can still recall the familiar smell of burning candles that ignited the hot air like a ceremonial perfume. But the presence of soft music, dim lights, and my Mothers unwavering smile all distracted me from what I was to truly encounter that day. That morning my Mother managed to push back most of my stubborn curls away from my face dressing me in an elegant but modest white dress. She explained to me that this was a defining point in my life and I was to look my best for it. It was the day I would walk down the church aisle with many other girls in front of church members to pledge an oath of abstinence prior to marriage. At fourteen years old I stood before my mother, before the congregation, and before God to make a promise not to share my sexuality hardly before reaching an age to explore it myself. This was called: A True Love Waits Ceremony. As I walked inside the entrance crossing between pillars I quickly noticed the Church walls decorated in hues of pinks and reds alongside matching drapes trimmed with frill to better represent the month of Valentines the month of love. In the act of taking my first few steps toward the podium I passed rows and rows of chairs where my fellow church members sat. There were some I knew and some I didn’t but they all gave their nods of approvals to me just the same. Participating in this ceremony was not only suggested but encouraged. As a symbol of my promise I was given a piece of jewelry which as a young girl I could not help but be excited to wear together with others. I was given what is called a purity ring yes given, not asked. During the time I was walking past the audience I felt the sweat of my mother’s palm as she held my hand or was that mine? Our eyes met and she gave a light squeeze of reassurance. When we finally reached the front steps of the great sanctuary each child turned around to face their parents to recite our vows together as one. While my Parents stared back at me proudly I repeated the words just as rehearsed, just like the others, and just as expected of me. It was not until years later that I would ever think about this moment again. This moment between moments where something unknowingly happens to you. Something honest but deceptive. Because no one asked me at fourteen if I understood what *** was only that I need not involve myself in it. Ironically my Sunday school teachers told me I was ready to make this lifelong commitment to abstain from *** just not old enough to engage in it. They instructed me this was my responsibility to hold myself at this standard of dressing and acting appropriately to help men not fall short of their sins. That my body a body not yet fully developed could inspired men of an impure nature a nature of which must be controlled. And since the vast majority of deacons, ministers, pastors, and church officials were men the only other *** to be considered as the primary focus for desire was women and consequently me. However when your fourteen years old no one tells you this. What’s more frightening is that some people do not see the error in it either. When you grow up in a religious sect it’s not necessarily discouraged to question what you’re told but rather that starting as early as childhood there is just so much indoctrination being imbedded for there to be any room left to give birth to independent thought. All I can draw from these events now as an adult is that humanity is flawed and sometimes completely inaccurate. When taking this into account it can only make since that when people get together to form a system, the system too will be flawed and yes sometimes wrong too. So when you grow up Baptist remind yourself not to confuse your faith in God with your faith in humanity. People try to be honest like God but the deception is that we are impossibly flawed and can never hope to be anything like him and that is the honest deception.