oh, believe me, i want friends.
i want love.
i want to live, but there's something inside me.
there's something in there.
it ruins all hopes,
               of me letting them in.
of course i love certain people: i love my brothers, my mother, my father.
i'd go to the ends of the earth for them,
take a bullet,
take a smack to the face.
it is others i cannot get close to.
i cannot bring my walls down.
i cannot let them be my friend for:
my mind senses all flaws,
my eyes observe the little things,
and my chest feels tighter,
i need to
             run,
                         run,
                                      away.
so i am sorry if i do this to you.
i am sorry if one day i am nice and happy and your friend,
but the next i am distant and cold.

i do not mean to.
i cannot help it.
i am trying, but it is hard.

i want you to get close,
and i wish i could let you.

i just cannot.