I can still feel
The emotional marks you left
On my mind, in my brain.
I can see the marks you never left on my body

Nothing I do to you
Will fix that.
Nothing I could do to harm myself
Would fix that
Nothing I do to you will fix that.

So how do I fix myself?

"I can't overpower you"
I would say to a kind man.
"You would never have to!"
He would reply, eyes wide open
nothing there I haven't heard before
I think to myself

The Post-Traumatic brain
Does not wait around.
It is always pro-active.
I could defend myself
Against a smaller man.
But not the giants I feel so drawn to.

The body wants, what the body wants.

I'd be easy bait for him.
Why couldn't it be differently?
To fight
Or to flight?

Or to face the challenge
And trust
That not all men
Who carry guns
Use them to shoot you?