I sit thumbs over my iPods key board
On a bus to work
Thinking back with a feeling;
Longing?
Nostalgia?
Regret?
What is this?
A question with no answer?
Or
A question with many?
Is death's grip on reality
as strong as I perceive?
I remember sitting in your class
I remember thinking endlessly,
"How do I overcome this anger"
When I learned of your death,
I was at home,
Packing,
Planning my escape to the west coast.
Where Summer becomes Fall
And
Fall never ends until Summer's return.

I'm not sure what day it was,
I'm not sure I want to remember.
No, I know I don't.
It's approaching a year.

I regret not seeing you more.
The indefinite absence of you
Has me thinking a lot.

About mortality
About spirituality
About what I can call progress.

Losing you is but growing pains.
Losing you is but life
Losing you is unfair
To the lost sheep you'll never guide
To the path of self worth.
In your place I'll do my best.
But I don't know if my heart is capable of unconditional love
Like yours for your students was.