I've scrubbed off all the makeup,
Stripped of all my clothes.
I have to face my body,
Bony and blue,
Still so young,
But visibly aging.
I'd give anything
To see myself
In true state again.
The I that I was,
Young, pure, and untouched.
The I before the first sense
Of self awareness,
The I before that first
Cool, innocent cigarette,
The I before that first secret drink,
The first forced kiss,
The first basement time alone,
The first walk home to not my home,
The first flirt,
The first sneak out,
And the paranoia that came with it all.
I haven't seen that I
In far too long,
Nor do I know if I'll see her
Ever again.
But sometimes it's nice to try,
To break myself down
To my rawest state
In hopes of finding her once more.
So I'm just standing here.
Naked and my face scrubbed raw,
Being stung by those tears
I tried so hard to avoid,
Looking my I in the eye
And whispering,
"You're still in there.
I know you are.
You're still in there."
God, I hope.