It starts off, I suppose,
being an escape.
From harsh noise,
from the crushing weight of suburbia.

Somewhere along the line
(a month, two years)
the reason changes.
It's gratifying having a secret;
the gas station clerk doesn't know,
your parents, your girlfriend,
your professor, your little sister.

They don't know you have enough dope to last three days.
They don't know your only concern is getting another score.

You smile, you sigh,
you meet for coffee,
you dig through the thrift rack,
you go to see a movie.
you don't smack in their view,
you don't snort in their presence.

That's your secret.
You no longer receive pleasure from the dope, the high is only to chase away the low.
You're different, you're set apart,
you have a secret and its consistently exhilarating.

Eventually, if say, you leave for three months, they'll notice the twenty pounds you lost, they'll notice the paling of your skin, they'll notice the apathy in your gaze, and they'll say
'Hey buddy, you doing ok?'
and you'll say
'Don't worry about me lover friend, rice and beans, rice and beans and easy living'


Phillip K **** says he can fairly well sum up sober living with one quote he heard from an ex ******. That quote is "if I had known it was harmless, I would have killed it myself"

you laugh until ya cry