Sometimes when I look back at my life I think of how I could've changed those couple of hiccups, those little decisions I made that would later blow up in my face. Yeah those kind of hiccups. I know you can't ever take it back but the guilt and shame that weigh heavily on my brain, and I can't seem to escape it even if I changed my name. What to do, reality checks are hard, so I try things to escape it but it digs itself in me like a sharp glass shard. Pain has no love, it seeps into my very soul, so I accept it even though it hinders me from reaching my goals.Living with regrets, man my life was such a mess, but I pretended it was good even though I knew it was a mess. Father figures never there for most of it, and even with all those years of involvement, I still don't know how to deal with all of this. Living with regrets, living with inner demons, living with the consequences that you can never out run. Addictions, my entire ancestry has always been victims and initiators, life for me has always gone up and down like an elevator. Life has so many twists and turns like a roller coaster, learning when to pick a fight, and when to back out, can people can b e unpredictable monsters. Looking at life through my window while the wind blows, life changes, its time to get out on adventures like billow. Life is what you make it,you make the decisions that will determine if its going to be awesome or basic. People may never understand, and you may not either, you can leave or you can continue staying where you are. Regrets, upset, tried many outlets but I perpetually seem to have a bad day, its so easy to just let everything go array. It takes time and effort, its a constant struggle, you just have to keep pushing forward, don't let yourself become a muggle. Living with regrets, wondering if you'll ever be forgiven, but if you never do things to gain their trust again, you be stuck in that would've, could've, should've prison. Just because you didn't do it then, doesn't mean you can't now, I don't want o hear no excuses like why or how. The past is the past can't do nothing to redo it. Before you ask for forgiveness, you must forgive yourself for your mistake. Never will know if you don't try,you don't have to live with regrets, if you truly give it a try.