I have figured out my problem
at least I would like to think that I have
I have an odd obsession with time, age,
and things that have gone wrong in my past
I am so terrified of the past repeating itself
I can't enjoy the present moment
I am so unsure of what I want for my future
so I just sit around worrying about it
I need to understand that I have time to figure things out
I know I am not guaranteed a tomorrow
but I can't spend all of my time stressing
I am twenty-three years old
I can't expect myself to have all of the answers
yet I do
When I remind myself of my age
I feel guilty and angry for not being as far in life
as most people my age are
It is my fault for being where I am
I don't want all of the normal things most people want
I want to travel and see the world
not stay stuck at home raising babies
I made a promise to myself a long time ago
that I wouldn't be like everyone else
I wasn't going to allow myself to feel stupid
for wanting other things people think are impossible
I broke that promise
by breaking that promise I allowed myself
to open the door to a past I was
trying so hard not to repeat
I let my depression get the best of me
I let other people's doubts come between me and my dreams
I looked through the eyes of someone who never dared to dream
and I died
At least I thought that I had died
I stopped believing in things that
only happen in movies and I was miserable
Maybe I am crazy and immature to believe in such silly things
at least I believe in something
The world through my eyes may look silly
but at least I have a reason to get out of bed every morning