When someone you love dies,
It *****.
You lay awake at night, tying to process it.
Then, when you sleep, you either dream it never happened,
And get slapped in the face with it all over again in the morning;
Or you have nightmares of watching their soul seep away over their last few days,
And wake up in the dead of night,
With your heart thundering and tears in your eyes.

When the alarm goes off you have to take deep breaths and force yourself out of bed because,
Well, ****.
There's this gaping whole in your chest that constantly aches.
You use makeup to cover the dark circles and plaster a smile on your face because,
Guess what?
School doesn't just stop because your heart has.

Classes drag by, but they're a distraction.
But then the hours between are spent in empty bathrooms
With music turned up to muffle the insistent sobbing that comes when you find yourself alone again.
You'll stare at the blank walls,
Tv playing on in the background,
But your mind is empty and whirring at the same time.

This process repeats and repeats and repeats until,
Somehow, you manage to smile again without thinking of their face
And laugh without it turning to sobs
And the ache dulls down little by little.

So I just keep thinking,
Cry now because one day I'll be able to think of you and smile again.
It may feel like my whole world is gone
And the universe is continuously spinning around me,
But one day I'll catch back up to it.

Unfortunately,
Today isn't that day.