Cooking... funny thing I never did it before you... why?... I don't know, I'm still trying to answer that question... why did I do it for you...I don't know... I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Cooking... it's the last thing I've been wanting to do these past few days...not like I've had much of an appetite either...
Just thinking of going to the store made me nauseous. I even ran out of coffee... and I did not attempt to even step one foot in the ****** grocery store, but I knew I needed to do it. The sooner the better, rip off the band-aid with one pull...

Well... I figured I couldn't go without coffee much longer anyways... and I needed some veggies too... unfortunately fitness and malnutrition do not mix well together... So at 9:30 pm I got up from my bed and said **** it, let's just do it...

I thought of maybe cooking dinner tonight or maybe making myself lunch for tomorrow, but neither of those things happened... As soon as I got to the store all I could see was your face... the memories invaded my already exhausted brain...  I did my best to hold it together.
I even waited till the end of my shopping trip to get coffee... too many freaking memories... I almost lost it then... I felt the tears starting to make their way out...so I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and got through it...

Now I'm at home with all these freaking groceries... just looking at them... on the table... not knowing why I even bothered...
Thank God I got some wine and snacks... I guess that'll do for tonight's dinner...
The rest....well... store it for later...

Cooking... it's become a burden... Your face all I can see...
Cooking ... I just need to put these groceries away...
I know eventually I'll find my way to it again... I just have to go through the process... the heartbreak, the ups and downs... face my fears... heal.