How is it that my intuition, usually so on my side, can be wrong?

Perhaps it's not.

It tells me that you hate me. That you want nothing to do with me after how I reacted. That you wanted to say it much earlier but just wanted to spare yourself my reaction. That I'm way too sensitive.

I wish these things were wrong but I've no intention to assume so, not after thinking things over until 4 am when my brain and my heart are crying out for rest.

My intuition tells me to believe that it's not your fault. That it's happened the same way so many times before- I'm told no, then a rebounding yes, then an overwhelming no that leaves me in a shell-like trance gasping for air and grappling for hold of my emotions. It wasn't you, it was Fate. I'm not allowed to be happy, how is that your fault?

I wish this was not how life had chosen to treat me, but how can I change the patterns it has set for me? I can't expect that things are going to miraculously become one hundred ten degrees better because of a ****** set of words I post on a site where no one reads. Even if I were posting on billboards, it'd make my situation that much more laughable.

Maybe it's my mental state. Maybe it's the insane amount of time I have to spare in which I let my feelings elevate too much, scaring off any possible chance there ever was of perhaps feeling whole for the first time in I can't even remember how long.

Maybe it's my intuition.

Maybe it's Fate.