My emotions in the mirror looking into the past are closer than they appear to be -what is the truth of me- is it what I allow myself to think or is it what I feel and how do I heal my pain body building up at a cellular level doing pushups inside years of experience perceived through tears and mysteriously they linger only in my mind yet are just as real as you and I and are not limited by the illusion of time and there is no rhyme or reason as to why I can't let go so I think it must be my egocentric will that has a death grip and it needs to be killed before the true me turns over my death wish and surrenders to God's Will which wants me to be happy joyous and free having interesting and vital experiences that teach me to see clearly the source of everything is God and that listening to what She is speaking to me through others and showing me in each scene of synchronicity in every single ineffable moment is what sparks the fire in my soul and if I allow myself to go spirituality broke again by trying to regain control by pretending to run the show again the cancer will only grow into more restless irritability and discontentment rendering my true self defenseless of my self-centeredness engulfed in fear relinquishing all hope of any hope and I know I desire Love and not to be alone so hear my cries oh God -the Indefinable Unknown- save my soul and carry me... and crucify my ego.