Tied myself with thin red rope
Large ice cubes as large as my skull
We sank down in one fluid full gulp
Waved bye to mama & papa
Disappeared underground.

Ladies wanna hit the night life
Free drinks, wantin' some attention
And I'm all 'bout that
But can't seem to shake just how
Don't wanna make mistakes
I made and blended myself into severed pieces
Before.

Flashbacks coming back like ***** bones
I know its all so different
I imagine taking my manicured finger
And checking a list off
You whisper plans to me
For us
Your life, as is
Just with me appearing next to you in it all
And its not like last time
Or the time before
But yet I listen to moody music at times
'Cuz I've always had a knack for self destruction.

Saturday night
I procrastinate
My army stands next to me firm
Questions when questions must be raised
I live alone now
And I know what I must do
But its the doing thats so
******* tough.

You tell me you adore me
And I know its our stepping stone
To the word love
Love, love.

I heave up sticks and boulders
Remember how you made my plans your plans
And had no plans of your own
I seem to always PTSD type o' grieve
As I relish in fresh newness
But, but, but
Its not the same
Theres nothing about this thats
The same.

I can see it hum and buzz
All around me like multi flecked glass
I'll sit in the wooden black directors chair
Asked to jump in front of lenses
In unison
And I switch and implement hats
'Cuz its what I've always done
And its what I'm good at
So sigh
Sigh, let it go
Life changes and carries on


Its okay to now just forget and watch it all go
So that the rest may begin.