my eyes were bloodshot. I'm not quite sure if it's from inhaling gusts of smoke or loss of sleep. buzzed nights kept me up until sunrise, most of them were hours I wish I had spent asleep.

your green eyes reminded me of the earth after a rainfall, alive but sad. they shot bullets into mine without ever considering the exit wound.  you should have known, you could gaze into my soul and see your reflection staring right back at you.

I learned the difference between love and lust. one takes your breath away and the other leaves you wishing your lungs would run out of oxygen. turns out, I can't really decide which one is which.

what I do know is, his eyes were filled with lust instead of love. he wanted my hands to fix every broken bone of his. and no matter how many times he tried to convince people he was okay, I knew he only used my lips as a way for him to feel better about himself.

but his kiss felt right. the ferocity of lighting and the calmness of rain all at once. baby, he was the whole ******* storm. every time the clouds covered the sun, I thought of the way his eyes closed.

but the problem was, he kissed her when the taste of me was still on his tongue.

and I tried to forget about him by forcing love on another who's kiss felt more like the vast, empty blue sky rather than the danger and wonder of everything held within the blue. nothing ever works out if you try too hard. my mind kept telling me that making love to this boy wouldn't be making love at all. so I held myself back and spent my night alone.

this is how December ended, more lonely than how it began.