Confidence is a beautiful thing
it's a shame I don't have it
I blame myself for my short-comings
my failures are because i'm *******.

But something I have come to realise as of late
is how our environment gives our shape
my parents are beautiful and well-meaning
they don't intend to be demeaning

but growing up I was shamed for my efforts for doing something different
stick with tradition, don't attempt the unknown
if you do all we have to give you is mocking

But let us buy you something pretty, something we believe will be useful for you because we are good, kindhearted parents
don't invest your time in things you can't advance in. We already know you won't advance in.

I love you mum and Dad but there is a lesson you have failed to teach me
I'm always afraid of my abilities and hold the belief that i'm not worthy.

I want to be daring, intuitive, full of life at the centre of the party
but I can't help but want to shrink into wall, i'm torn between a longing to be known but too **** scared of the attention in case people think i'm a failure
leading to disappointment and feelings of sadness and disappointment
a perpetual cycle created by my makers

I see my father's condescending laugh at an idea I present, my mother's upturned nose at a creative meal I intend to cook, both of their damning words leading to this endless feeling of not being good enough.