All My Arrowheads at All Your Doors
by @demi-cybulski
*What mighty importance
rests so fat on the shoulders of you
that i'm refused
the right to lay love where I want it grown?
Bonds can loosen
Loads you've carried furthest can be shared
I know Trust is earned
but it's Earnest too, when I demonstrate it purely,
Laying all my bones
at all your doors as promises and gifts
I'll even renew - if you want -
That honest vow to remember all your birthdays
to Topple on your soul
If you need the weight of someone not you.
Can we be side by side
In a blurred rush towards the singularity?
or Am I the ass
you lead to water - am I the water itself?
Don't let me place-hold
or keep the seat warm for overdue truths
There's no need
to balance each other's acts of self sabotage
Or to pretend
Either of us is any more than what we are
We both understand
That grace is to us just brightly coloured feathers.
Please let us be safe
Together, in that disappointing mess
And let me work
on Those snags of control and owning and having
Because I don't remember
how you became confection behind a window
What made me
Treat you as the best since...sliced boys
but My diet did change
I didn't want to spoil you for lesser bread
and Now a hunger
and rot collide in the vacant spaces you're yielding.
Is it an upset
to cry at your objection to my care
Or when I kick
and scream at the labels you stick to me
When you call me
callous Hysterical and paranoid to preoccupation
Incurring open fire
and pointed barbs about your bitch Mother
Who ruined you for women, love
You, who will only ever be half aware of this and that.
I'll go willingly though
on display, to be mocked in silent penance
For What else next
but to try to hold you to me
To try to sit as still
As time and light do for me when you move in my direction
and Be as hard
as your endorsement makes me.
But for all the noise
Of our collapsing walls and siege machinery
The poison
that may never fully be drawn.
You are here.
I am here.
What else are we gonna do.*