Once I stopped crying
gained my composure
in this decomposition of whiteness
I could think it through
what it was
what it is that hit me 2 hours later
while driving
I should have pulled over
all pedestrians became blurry
I wiped my tears away
the way the girlfriend
black and human
watched her boyfriend bleeding to death
with a gun still aimed at him
shaking violently
the gun that is
the white officer holding it
the white t shirt with the blood
I remember going over my handlebars
on my bike at a park
called Look Park
these old white ladies couldn’t here us yelling we were coming
I steered clear and sacrificed myself
they were like the treasure of whiteness
not only white
but for a long time too
I hit a stone wall
it gashed my chin open
my brothers were telling me
"we can see your bone”
My black father took his white t shirt off
he was stopping the blood
none of the park patrol stopped
an excessive amount of time
I remember their eyes as they pretended not to see us
what is making it hardest for me
to remain at all complacent
(not revolting to death, reincarnation)
is the adaptation of the black girlfriend
to the lethally threatening situation of whiteness
the calmness and grace
the persuasion in her voice
its strength without the shakiness
of the white officers gun
the selflessness and desperation
of keeping her composure
that black girlfriend
sharing her experience with me
she needs me to grab the gun from that officer
she needed me
she needed us to surround them
those officers need to be killed
death penalty happens to innocent black people all day everyday
death penalty needs to be used
just for the sake of proximity
to a death of a black person
we need social work
for what we have been through
not shaky violent
white hands with guns
killing us in private
and over social media