there are things i do,
alone.
no one sees.
except for the shades
i have cracked.

this is how i know
when to stop.
or better,
to know to go
a little more.
i know because
it burns.
it warns me.
so i back away.

there are things
i thought once
that no longer
have value.
to anyone.

but i'm going
further,
faster
always with
eyes closed

i thought for a second
that i knew
how to make it better.
but nothing
past that moment.

sometimes i know
the best thing to do
and i push it
as far as i can
until no more.

sometimes i fail
to stop the
ash from
burning my foot.

it can always
be more
or better.
this will always be true.

pain is
a stealing of focus

i try to
spread it around
breathe it in

i don't know how
to get anywhere else.

i've used up
all the things
that i knew.

except i know
enough
to hide things.

even entire people.

there, but
not there.

then there is more,
better to see
in the dark

a taking away
of things
always being
pulled higher

it's a place you can go
to catch your head
rocking on what
you must mean

there is not a
way back
through time.

i try to be
the one
who doesn't need anything

i like the word
upon word
upon word
layers

to have no
partner
you have to just
show up

i turned it inside
out
for a moment

i think i
missed
the whole thing

is it strange?
this strange place i am in?
can you see it?
it's just that i can
see it all the time
and it is
distracting.

and i'm back
to a silvery
piece

you have to
invite
the cells
ask them to
come in

and you have to decide
like or dislike
depending on the stack
of the winters